So have you ever seen an angry 6’1″ very hysterical hispanic woman? Do you know how very scary that can be? Trust me, there’s not many things that can set this girl off, but if you mess with my boys or anyone in my family I will be the one to stand up and do something about it and it hasn’t always been in the most godliest of ways. It’s only 10:30 in the morning and I have already had a day filled with anger, excitement, sorrow, joy, and so many other emotions that you can’t even imagine. And all of this because of one simple word… INAPPROPRIATE!
I woke up this morning to get my little boy ready for school and in the process of teasing him about some stuff we got into a conversation about him being told that he isn’t allowed to talk about God in his classroom because it is, “Inappropriate.” Wow. It literally felt like a ton of bricks just fell on my head. I’m not joking, I’m not exaggerating. The pain I felt in my heart for my little boy at that very moment was an actual physical pain. The little boy whose life is more precious to me than my own, the little miracle that stands in front of me who we prayed to have in our lives for over two years, this little beautiful creation of God who has already experienced more pain in his little life than most people will face in a lifetime is standing here in front of me telling me that he was told that talking about God is inappropriate. Other than anger I honestly have no better word to describe what I actually felt at that very moment.
You know, we’ve dealt with a lot in the two years that we’ve had the blessing of having our son. We have dealt with behavior issues that most people wouldn’t believe Christopher to be capable of. It’s not uncommon for our son to return home from a day at school and hear, “Son, we don’t talk about our private parts at school, it’s inappropriate.”, “Christopher, we don’t throw chairs across the room when we’re angry, it’s inappropriate.”, “Chris, you never lay your hands on anyone else in anger, it’s inappropriate.”, “Son, if I ever hear you use that word again you will be forever grounded, it’s absolutely inappropriate!” Are you seriously telling me that you’re going to throw my God into the same category of things that truly are inappropriate!?!?!? NO, our God is the exact opposite. He alone is APPROPRIATE in every circumstance in our lives. He gave us life!!!
That was it! Now it was smack down time. No one is going to lie to my son! No one is going to try and steal his faith away! No one was going to tell my son that he can’t joyfully share who God is to him. I got in the car as quickly as possible and I was off to take care of this matter. And trust me when I say that in that moment angry, ugly, this is mine to take care of mommy was in full force. Praise God that my son’s school is a good 20 minute drive.
And then God spoke, and this is what he said. “Most people will lie to your son. Many will try and steal away his faith. A majority of the world will tell him to keep his mouth shut if he talks about me. He will be surrounded by those who will tell him that I am a lie, that his life is meaningless, and that he is only a mistake. Don’t you see Natalie, the world hates me. But here’s the thing… If you go in there and speak to them in anger, if you try to fight this fight that’s not yours in the first place, you’re no different than them. All I want you to do is love me and in that, love them. Show your son what it is to stand up for your faith without mean words, an angry spirit, or any hate what-so-ever. That is not who I am and that is not who I’ve called you to be.”
Yes, one word set me off, and one word also broke my heart today. INAPPROPRIATE. I’m not angry now. As parents, Shawn and I are going to do everything we can to teach our son about Christ. We’re going to be on our knees for him every single day until God takes us home, praying that God would rapture the heart of our son, that Christopher would fall deeply, madly in to with his Creator and Savior and desire a life that joyfully brings glory to God. Yes, I’m not angry because God is so much bigger than all of this. He alone is sovereign over ALL things. I am however absolutely broken hearted and sad. Inappropriate. Really? You are missing it and my heart is broken for you. I hurt because when I look at you I know that you don’t know what true joy is. And as for love, it breaks my heart that you don’t know His, because if you did you never would have said that my God is inappropriate. I’m sad because when I look at you I know that you don’t see how beautiful God made you, you don’t know your worth and purpose in him, and you don’t know what true love really is.
“For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.”
Psalm 139: 13-16
Let this sadness be yours oh God. Let me love those, serve those, and be an example to those who hate you. When it’s hard and those I love so dearly have been hurt let me still walk as an example. You alone are bigger than this oh God. Remind me that every day, in every way I can either point people towards you or away from you. Daddy, please let my son see you as I seek to follow you, serve you, and honor you where you have called me. Amen.